I had been describing a home situation since the last interview where I felt like I was as-risk and the anger issues had arisen again. I described the Saturday morning when the kids were fighting over the iPad and I was trying to deal with that while also doing laundry. My wife stayed in bed throughout. I felt like yelling at them so she can hear “HOW CAN I DEAL WITH YOU WHEN I HAVE TO DO THAT!!?” That is communication to her via screaming at them. That’s how I felt. That’s how I would’ve acted in the past. That’s not what I did then.
In the interview, I replied that I simply cannot ever criticise or judge. Not her parenting, not her housework, not her professional life, not anything, never. Because of the defensive reaction. She gets particularly “how dare he” when our brother-in-law law (or his family) seem to be passing judgement about her parenting approach. Defensive, deny, bite back, get sulky. It sounds like me describing. I guess I’m no different, reacting defensively whenever criticised. Thin skinned you might say. Perhaps she’s emulating me in that regard. I brook no criticism, so she feels like she oughtn’t either.
She’s always said that I over-react to criticism. Even that I detect criticism in non-critical comments. The rubbish bin incident sticks in mind. She stopped me in the middle of taking the bin bag to the wheelie bin and prefaced her remark with can I ask you something without you getting all defensive... then she asked if there was a way it could be done without placing the bin up on the kitchen bench. Defensively, I replied that a way might be discovered if anyone other than me ever did the job. Nope, she concluded, I guess can’t ask it without defensiveness! The incident illustrates how well she knows my defensive reactions and how predictable they are.
At any rate, on the form for the question: what is Leigh going to work on next, the intake officer wrote “better communication with spouse”
Yes, that is something to work on.
