The agencies I spoke to on Monday (14/5) recommended considering a separation from the family. This is in order to keep the children safe. By my staying, the kids are a risk of trauma from the unpredictability of my family violence. Both asked me if I could guarantee that I wouldn't do it again. I couldn't with 100% certainty say that I wouldn't and so couldn't vouchsafe the children's safety. They then recommended considering leaving. This suggestion came from the Anglicare Men's Behaviour Change Program Intake officer and from the Men's Referral Service phone counsellor. The Anglicare officer recommended it as an urgent priority.
I discussed their recommendation with my wife on Monday night and put it to her that in their opinion the children's safety can only be guaranteed if I am not around.
She disagreed with that assessment.
She asked if I agree with the assessment - I said I didn't know one way or the other.
She said that removing me would likely be more traumatic for the kids (I should have asked for specifics as to why, but never-mind).
She accurately predicted that what I'd described to the agencies was the worst of my family violence behaviour and the latest trigger incident. She then described what I'd omitted about being a caring, patient, attentive nurturing, dad 99% of the time. None of which I think mitigates the other 1%.
The agencies both reckoned that for practical reasons my leaving might put undue strain and stress on my wife to deal with the family alone - which might prohibit the step. I agree with that, it'd be hard. The logistics would be difficult. I had thought it might work for weekends/a weekend. That way, I'd be around for school drop-off/pickup/etc, but absent when the kids are mostly home. I wonder if there's be merit in that? My wife was adamant enough that I did not venture this idea in our discussion.
