For games-night recently we played Game of Life Junior. In that board game, players collect star tokens by performing challenges printed on cards. My son turned up a card which asked him to depict in mime one of the other players at the table. His impression was of a screaming, shouting, angry, monster. The depiction of me was so at odds with my own image of myself that I failed to guess correctly and he didn’t earn the star.
Beyond that, I was partly offended that that is still the impression he has of me. I fool myself into thinking that I have tamed the anger, but when my son thinks of me, he pictures that. Perhaps he is so permanently damaged from the yelling he was exposed to when very little, that the monstrous image he has of me can NEVER be erased, no matter how loving and calm I become.
It goes to show how blind I’ve been to my own behaviour. I think I’m the calm parent. I think I’m the parent who demonstrates love. But I am wrong.
In fact I am demonstrating that love looks like screaming. At least I am participating in that demonstration. I vowed last week that I never want to raise my voice to the kids again. I think it’s about more than that too. It’s about enjoying the kids company. Demonstrating that you enjoy the things they’re doing. Doing productive things with them, so that their behaviour does not make you angry. Being a safe place for them.
